Why do they call it a “bucket list”? And, isn’t the word “bucket” really weird when you say it a few times…

*** NOW WITH UPDATED COMMENTS - HOW EXCITING****

As part of my turning 30 saga (24 May 2012… its like the worst kind of deadline… “24^th May 2012”…. The day Emma Sewell's pubes officially go grey, she cant drink wine to save her life and one or more of her joints seize up in bed and she is forced to utter the immortal words “ooo it wasn’t like that in my day..)

anyway - I have created a bucket list of things to do before the god for-saken day arrives. In the interest of sharing I have decided to let you all in on the list, mainly because then, once other people know about it, I actually have to do something about it.

When I started writing the list I didn’t want to fill it with all the pointless crap that most people do “ooo, be primeminister, swim wth dolphins, get married and pop out 3 ugly little rats” I wanted to put on it things which I actually WANTED to achieve and things I thought I COULD achieve. Also things which, up until now, I have been too scared to do, for no reason other than the fact that other peoples opinions matter WAAAAY too much to me.

So, here is the list (version 769) and my explanations for each. I have also given a short progress report, as the ruddy thing has been live and burned into my brain for nearly 5 months now and I haven’t done nearly as much as I should of.

Slight diversion… This is the trouble with lists, I love making them but then I just look at them and try and remember why I made it in the first place. So,I inevitably end up making a new list. Basically, im organised….to a point. Then im just crap.

Learn to swim

Yes, I am 29 years old and I cant swim. When I was at school I used to run instead. When it came to swimming I was that loser who had 2 verucca socks on and stayed in the shower area for most of the lesson, then got in the pool, flailed around for ten minutes then got out. Watching people jump in in their tshirts swimming after cuddly toys was not my idea of an enjoyable Tuesday afternoon, I just wanted to be on the track, running. So, sadly I just never really learnt. I got my red badge (not were why they were called badges when as far as I can remember it was a piece of fabric) and never my blue.

Since then I have attempted to swim on holidays, made up a few of my own strokes (the helicopter being my favourite) got my boyfriend to try and teach me, when my attention and enthusiasm both wained he also got bored and frustrated. I have held a float and looked like some slightly mental old lady floating and trying not to get my hair wet, tried holding my nose underwater without panicking but I just don’t like it. Im not good at it because my arms are those of a 10 year old boys, I don’t like being underwater, I don’t like water and im a bit bitter about it all to be honest. Therefore I added it to the list.

Status – MARCH 2014 - STILL CAN'T SWIM. Started, then got bored, started again, got a bit bored. thinking of starting again

Go round a grass maze

My obsession with Alice in Wonderland prompts this. I have NEVER been around a maze. Me and my friend Kelly Williams (who wont mind me using her name for the purpose of this story) used to use the grass cuttings on the local field and make a maze but the fact it was only an inch high and the wind blew it away the minute you started kind of defeated the point. I don’t know why I have never been to one but by May 2012.. I will…

STATUS - MARCH 2014 - haven't been yet., still hoping..

Visit Rome

I love Rome.

I think.

I’ve never been there so I can’t really confirm that I love it, and I don’t think reading the Da Vinci code a couple of times forms the basis for an actual opinion on it but I think, deep down, I will love it so I want to go.

I’ve been to a LOT of places in the world, I’ve been very lucky. Just never Italy. 

Status - March 2014 - TICK!! went for New Year 2013 with Boffy - awesome!!

Get published in marketing week

Now, it used to be my ambition to get in the “crap celeb spot of the week” in Heat Magazine, since then I have fine tuned my ambitions and upgraded myself and now I think I am worthy of at least getting my opinion published in marketing week.

STATUS MARCH 2014– haven’t done anything about it… one for next year maybe

Grow my hair

As you have probably guessed I get bored very easily. I have only ever had hair as long as my shoulders and never any longer. This pains me to tell you all but when I was about 10 my mum cut my hair into that of a boy (photo is below. Sadly) and I actually looked like a boy. So much so that I once got asked out by a girl who thought I was a boy. I was wearing a pink coat and im pretty sure the term “metrosexual” hadn’t been coined back in the 90’s so gawd knows why she thought I was a boy but it stands as one of my most embarrassing moments in life.

Therefore I keep trying to grow it. The problem is, it gets to a length and I get bored so in a fit of madness I chop it all off again. Currently its about 3 inches above my shoulders and I want it about 8 inches longer than this. Deadline of “24^th May 2012” is not looking likely given that in that time I will probably lop another 5 inches off (im not Carol bloody Vorderman, I have no idea how many inches that means ill end up with)

STATUS - MARCH 2014 - its growing! been growing it for almost a year, I can safely say its grown about 2 inches in that 12 months. clearly I am crap at growing hair!

Grow something from start to finish and not kill it or get bored (vegetable)

Now, before I start I just want to point out I am very good with humans and animals. They make noises when needing food so I’m not likely to forget about them. Plants and vegetables however, do not. They just sit there, needing stuff and not asking for it. Therefore, whenever they die under my care I don’t think its technically my fault. They should evolve into having squeaks or something so I remember…

Status – currently attempting “windowsill courgettes” prognosis – a bit limp

Tone up my upper legs – once and for all! (before the sagging starts!)

I have a bit of a booty. It took me years to accept that my bum was not put on this earth to annoy me/make me cry/be seen from space – it was actually put here to please mens hands (which it seems to, thankfully) and look good in tight jeans. Its larger than normal but it was designed that way and I like it. I don’t hide it with jumpers anymore, I’m over that. Now I embrace the curves and wear them proudly.. j-lo eat your heart (or big mac) out..

The problem is underneath it. When I was at uni and living on cheese toasties and £15 chinese takeaways just for me, I put on about 16 stone (slight exaggeration, it was about 2) went up to a size 14, felt horrendous but instead I just carried on drinking VK orange and Lambrini and piling on the bloat. Before this I had been a runner, a very thin runner. When I left uni and went travelling I resembled about 3 runners all together and because of this I was left with a lovely fat deposit at the top of each of my legs. Thankfully I am back to being nice and slim again now, but the bloody stuff stuck. And it wont budge. No matter how much I walk/run/attempt to swim for half a length it wont shift and before “24^th May 2012” it needs too….

STATUS - MARCH 2014 - have accepted myself for who I am

(who am I kidding, TRUE update - still trying)

Go out one night without any makeup on!

I’m actually pretty proud of myself as I have already done this! I did it in June – I was on a night out with my friend Cat, told her all about my list, told her this one and she laughed and said I would never be able to do it, so I promptly took myself off to the loo (see, I love a challenge) ripped off my false eyelashes, washed my face and came back out and sat in the bar.

Frankly, it was pointless. I recommend NOBODY ever do it. I mean, whats the point. Make up has been invented, for a reason and im not arrogant or bold enough to think I can go through life without a scrap on ever. Its what gives us girls an edge over men and it makes me feel good. I don’t wear loads but 29 years on this earth has taught me the best and worst parts of myself so I know how to look semi-fit now – but I need make up for it.

I sat in the bar, felt pride for about 10 seconds then had to get utterly rat arsed just so I couldn’t see the horrific sight staring at me in the toilet mirror. A pointless exercise and one I will never be repeating…

 horrific...

STATUS MARCH 2014 - christ, reading about myself 3 years ago does make me chuckle! as if thats the most important thing in the world huh! i reguarly go without make up these days and look like a troll for, ooo, I'd say, 60% of the week - silly 2011 Emms!

So, there they are. There are more but if I lay them all out then I ill have too many things to do and my to-do list at the moment already has “ring the vets, book doctors, pay bills etc on it, I don’t think adding “achieve more life goals” will make me feel any better about things… ill stick to this little list for now and see how I go…

Wish me luck!

Emms